“What makes a good friend?”
You’ve heard me say it before:
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. AND
You can’t pick your kid’s friend.
Well, you can until they are 5 or 6 and then it gets a lot harder. You can help your child to figure it out on their own.
When your child is hanging out with someone who is not treating them well, and you really want to criticize the friend. DON’T! Instead, during a walk, drive or at the dinner table, ask, “What makes a good friend?”
Criticizing or forbidding a friendship/relationship does not usually work in our favour. Your child may have been on the verge of figuring out that this friend was bad news, but now, may hang on to this friend in defiance. It can also be pretty hard to break up a new friendship with tact.
So instead of calling out the friend, ask your child, “What makes a good friend?” Often the act of defining the qualities of a good friend, will help your child figure out who their friends really are.
This is also a great opening line to a longer conversation about friends - how to make them, and how to find new ones.
One more thing: it’s very possible that no one else will be friends with ‘that kid’ and your child is doing their best to be a good friend. They may not be willing to dump ‘that friend.’ But they may be able to talk with them about what makes a good friend.