We care about our kids so much, and this can make the stakes feel really high. Yesterday, a client shared that his parenting reactions are often negative because he is feeling frustrated that he can’t do better. Such a familiar feeling - something goes sideways and we explode.
Instead, use,
"WOW!"
When you don’t know what to say, OR you know you’ll regret the harsh words that are going to pour out of your mouth in a very loud voice, instead say, “WOW!” and then shut your mouth. Breathe.
If you know me, you know that I use WOW all the time. I use it with my children, my friends, and my colleagues.
When my kids would do something maddening, or inexplicable, my first word was always WOW, followed by my lips closing, my lungs breathing, and my brain figuring out something helpful to say next.
Although only one word, WOW can imply a lot of things:
- I’m surprised!
- I’m not sure what to say
- This situation sounds like a really big deal
- You are handling a big emotion right now
- I’m here with you for whatever comes next
Use any word - it doesn’t have to be WOW. When you use it, use it with the emotion that fits the situation. Then close your mouth and wait until you can come up with something respectful to say. You may even choose, “I don’t know what to say next!”
We don’t always have to know what to say. Parents are human too. We can just be there.