"I notice that..."
When you see a behaviour you really like or that you do not like at all, start with, “I notice that...”
“YOU ALWAYS…” “YOU NEVER…” “WHY DO YOU…”
Using any of these as sentence starters invites defensiveness. When we start a sentence with I and then take some emotion out of it by just noticing, we can get a lot further into a conversation.
“I notice that there are a lot of glasses in your room. When can you bring them down to the kitchen?”
“I notice hurtful words - what other words can you use instead?”
“I notice that when you help out the family works more smoothly. Thank you.”
It's simple, it's clear and it can be used for yourself too:
"I notice that when I get home from work I'm grumpy. I'm going to sit in my car for 5 minutes and breathe so that I can be open to listening when I walk through the door.
Start your conversations by noticing and see what others are noticing too.