“How did that go for you?”
When you go to see your child’s performance, recital, sports activity, competition, debate. Before saying what you thought, ask, “How did that go for you?”
This is something you can say no matter how the ‘thing’ went. Maybe you thought they did really well, but they felt it went bumpier than expected. When you say, “THAT WAS AWESOME!” inside their head their thinking,
‘They’re lying. I messed it up. They’re just trying to be nice.’
If the team didn’t win the game, or if the situation didn’t go smoothly, rather than offering a platitude, you can genuinely say, “How did that go for you?”
When you ask about their experience, you get a peek inside their process, and their feelings. You can listen, and empathize. Of course, you can share your experience as well. Both have value.
BONUS: Unless you are your child's teacher/coach/trainer, refrain from talking about how to make it better, and what they did wrong. If you need to say anything else, you can add, "I love watching you play (sing, act, perform)."