It’s a hurdle that we all face. The first day of school, and the separation anxiety that accompanies it.
But - who is having the separation anxiety anyway? We could blame the clingy kids but many parents share that it’s tough to let go of the little ones. They hug and re-hug, begin to tear up, and then hover - peering through the windows or the doorway, hoping that the adjustment will go well.
Many teachers wish that parents would accept their children’s readiness. Hovering parents send a huge mixed message to their kids.
Every time we interact with our children, we have an opportunity to guide them with our own behaviour and that means taking a good look at what we feel like doing vs what we need to be doing when we send our children on their way.
If we want to raise self-reliant, independent beings, our actions must show that we believe they can do it. When we allow our parent-emotions to get in the way, we can overwhelm our youngsters who have their own feelings to manage.
It’s easy to fall into a habit of over-talking every detail of our children’s lives. From the nap to the first step, the potty, eating, school, we talk about it so much to “prepare” them that our children sometimes believe they are boldly going where no man (or child,) has gone before.
So, how do we take the time to teach our children without laying it on thick? We can help our children a lot more by supporting them in a matter-of-fact way.
1. Keep it simple
“I’m going to miss you, and I’ll see you at exactly 11:30”
2. Acknowledging their emotions
“You’re feeling uncertain – this is something new, so it is normal to feel that way”
“I can’t wait to hear about how your day was when I pick you up.”
3. Clarify the Plan – routines give everyone a better sense of predictability and control. If you know that you have a particularly anxious child, tell them what is going to happen. Stick to the facts. If you keep it simple, then they will think it’s simple.
4. Walk away – having practiced the first day of school ahead of time, you can now do your goodbye routine with your child and walk away.
NOW YOU CAN CRY…or… JUMP FOR JOY AND GO HAVE A COFFEE!