Kids lie. It usually starts around 4 or 5 years old. As frustrating as it is, most of the time kids lie to make everything seem better than it is. It's not pleasant and sometimes you are actually making it easier for them to lie to you. Here's how to cut down on the lying in 3 easy steps.
The lies start simply enough:
Parent: Did you wash your hands?
...pause...
Child: Yep.
Parent: But I didn't hear the water run.
....pause...
Child: I did it really quietly.
Parent: But the towel is dry.
....pause...
Child: I dried my hands on the towel, threw it in the laundry and put a dry towel in it's place.
Parent: UGH!!!!
Then, money goes missing from the dresser, homework doesn't get handed in, they went to a party but said they were at a friend's house... Straight to the life of crime or politics right?
They tell us what we want to hear to keep our love. As they grow older, kids may lie to get out of trouble or to keep secrets that they think we can't handle (where did they sleep last night?) Kids do lie, and we can talk about consequences in another blog post, but for today, let's look at the parent's role in these escapades.
1. Don't ask a question when you already know the answer.
Did you wash your hands? (You know they did not.) Did you eat a cookie? (You can see the crumbs and chocolate on their lips.) Did you get in trouble at school today? (You've already heard from the teacher.)
Instead of asking, state a fact.
I need to see you wash your hands. I need to smell the soap on your hands.
I see you eating a cookie.
I heard from your teacher today and I'd like to hear your version of the story.
When we state a fact, we skip the possibility of a lie and deal with the problem at hand.
2. If they've shown you that they lied last time, don't give them the chance to lie again. Instead, hold them accountable and catch them telling the truth.
Instead of hoping that they don't take the contraband device to school, watch them pack their bag, and notice them taking responsibility.
Instead of hoping that they don't take a cookie, watch them in the kitchen and thank them for keeping their hands to themselves.
Instead of hoping they stay at a friend's house, drive them there and talk to the other parents. Let them know that you are watching and thank them for doing what they said they would do.
3. Model honesty
If honesty is an important value in your family, don't just talk about it, do it.
Don't lie about a child's age to get them a discounted rate, or get them into something they're not old enough to attend.
Don't call in sick when you're not sick.
Kids are watching what we do and following our lead. They are going to lie from time to time, but when we state the facts and hold them accountable, we decrease the lying habit.
**TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT CONSEQUENCES FOR LYING.***