As our kids grow older, we often share fewer interests. How much time do we have for watching online games, or understanding the rules of their favourite sport?
Those things may fall to the bottom or our to-do list, but as parents, one thing of high importance, is building connection with our kids, and finding something to talk about that isn’t us nagging them to change their ways. If you are feeling like you can’t find a way to connect with your child, read on!
1. It’s not about the topic it’s about the child.
Change your focus. If you’ll never love Fortnight or Formula One, that’s okay. You do love your child, so it’s about finding out what they love about it.
“What makes this interesting for you?”
“How did you learn about it?”
2. Become the student.
Ask your child to teach you about their favourite things. Ask them to start at the beginning and go slowly. Show interest in improving your knowledge, and gaining an understanding. We spend so much of our lives telling our kids what to do, it can be a fun change for them to be the ones who know what’s going on.
You do not have to be the expert. In fact, please don’t be the expert. This is something for your child. Do NOT take over knowing more about this thing than they do. Relationships are based on sharing strengths and weaknesses. It’s your turn to show weakness.
“If there’s one thing I should watch for, what is it?”
“Who is your favourite player? Why?”
“Wow, all your time on this has really paid off! You really know what you’re talking about!”
3. Set aside small portions of time to connect over these new topics.
Take it slowly. Go easy on yourself and them. Ask a few questions here and there. Set aside 5 minutes from doing your thing to watch them do theirs.
When you are in the stands, watching their sport, spend at least part of the time actually watching them play, just noticing what they are doing. This gives you a way to talk about it with them after - not as a coach, just as a parent.
“You were very focused out there!”
“You and your teammates really support each other!”
“I love watching you play - you seem to enjoy it so much!”
When the focus is on connecting with the person, rather than the topic itself, things seem a bit easier.